My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
