Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's not cheating when I paid for it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
