Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
