we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
