were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
