So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
