I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck appropriateness.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
