i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
