you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
