I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
