after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
