some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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