so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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