My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
