I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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