Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
