I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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