I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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