I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
