yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
