Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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