super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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