So drunk its hurt
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
