I wish I could punch you in the face.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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