I think my fart just growled at me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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