And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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