How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
