I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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