he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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