epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize