If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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