"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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