i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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