Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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