Say something about gay babies.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
honey bunches of taint.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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