He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
