Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
