I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
