using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
