I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my poor anus
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
