So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
