There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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