Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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