He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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