Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
