No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
