he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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