I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
