now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
