it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
