either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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