Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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