We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
