Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
