Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
