fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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