Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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