I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
