She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
