listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
