Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
false alarm. still invincible.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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