You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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