Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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