I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
