we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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