Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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