I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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