Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
