Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
