Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is my gift to your gina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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