My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
